almondskeyess: Iraq is a country with a culture and population NOT a war veteran’s memory or experience.
graffeti: my grandma is angry at my grandpa because when they went to the doctor’s the lady asked what he was allergic to and he said his wife
tinychatter: “honey, i’m home!” i yell. the honey does not respond. it cannot talk
sabriennealice: peevesies: i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life this genuinely brought back all my...
Remember my sassy niece I used to blog about before I got married? She doesn’t even recognize me anymore on Skype.
This is what I don’t get - Women are impure because males have touched them....– Comment on Jezebel article “Female ‘Purity’ Is Bullshit” (via mermaidcunt)
Wow I’m younger than most of you this is still weird
Anonymous asked: Penises have backbones when they are super hard
Anonymous asked: i once broke my penis back bone in tight jeans :(
Guys when you’re wearing tight jeans do you put your penis in the left leg of the jeans or the right
putting coconut oil in my hair lets see how this goes
foodchewer: *hides good snacks from family members*
i remember when i would tell mom i didn’t want to eat what she cooked and she would be like “eat dick”
i saw the most handsome punjabi guy the other day o m ggggggg and then i was like damn im not single
i have this friend that makes everything about her and even when i’m telling a story(about me!!!!!!!!!!) she’ll make it about her some how like ill be like “wow my aunt died of cancer” and she’ll be like “omg!!! one time i thought i had cancer!!!” uM NO
who knows how to knead atta (ATTA GOUN’DNA AATA HAI?????/???)
What kind of person steals tampons is what I want to understand
i think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that
Yoooooooooo I can’t believe my sister in law has been stealing my tampons wtffffffffffffffff
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
God I want you in some primal, wild way animals want each other. Untamed and...– Clementine von Radics (via rabbrakha)
dysenterygay: i asked my italian grandfather if the rough parts of italy were called the spaghetto and look at me w/ so much shame
Anonymous asked: when will you have babies?
baby-scars: yahoo is going to delete every blog that doesn’t reblog my selfies sorry i don’t make the rules
rocketpowers: there are teenagers who have unprotected sex but have a case for their iphone just let that sink in
im generally a very happy person but if someone makes me angry i have no idea what happens to me i just cant control myself
if yahoo buys tumblr (ALL TRUE!!):
daftpostpunk: post limit gets changed to 150 posts a day you can’t google tumblr anymore you must yahoo it no more selfies allowed blogs with less than 300 followers will be deleted heroin will be legalized george bush will become president again stock market will crash korea will blow the US up world war 3
Friend: hey that has gelatin in it
Me: gela- what
Me: can't hear you
Me: *continues chewing*
Me: *moonwalks away*
smathmouth: seeing cute and put-together 14 and 15 year olds gets me so angry they’re supposed to be awkward with bad haircuts they’re supposed to suffer the same way i did
dietchola: this guy at my school wears really short shorts all the time and i asked him why he doesn’t wear normal cut shorts and he said “if the sky is out, then my thighs are out” god bless
stevebrule: do she got the booty? she dooooooooooo
shessosumptuous: So homosexuality is a sin but high heeled sneakers aren’t
soselfimportant: 4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy
quintessentially-queer: theuppitynegras: veganrantss: White people get mad when you wear a band t shirt of a band you don’t listen to, but they’re fine with wearing headdresses from cultures they know and care nothing about. MOST RELEVANT THING I’VE EVER HEARD
gothlolita: im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
What girls say: I'm fine
What girls mean: I'm too embarrassed to ask for water from your mom because this is the first time I've been over and she's asked me like 500 times if I wanted any and I've been saying no but I'm dying of thirst
poorchrysalis: i hate when ur out of the loop and miss everything important. what do u mean they hooked up. what do u mean u have a boyfriend. what do u mean someone shot archduke ferdinand
worldwar2chainz: the CEO of abercrombie didn’t really do a good job at marketing to cool kids because i don’t really like their stuff
grimyboy: white people are fun as hell to play with. like when their skin is red and you press it it turns white then goes back to red.
white people on tumblr to PoC: lol n*ggers, lol dirty p*kis, lol Mexicans steal, lol it's just a joke freedom of speech you stupid coloreds
whites to PoC in real life: *casts eyes to ground, clutches iphone, crosses the street*
Here’s the thing. Men in our culture have been socialized to believe that their...– Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot » Brute Reason (via bokononish)
This aunty asked me how I was liking Calgary and if I finally felt like home here AND I THOUGHT SHE SAID DID U FINALLY LEARN TO COOK SO I BITCHILY TOLD HER “YEAH I LEARNED EVERYTHING NOW IM INDEPENDENT AND CAN COOK WHATEVER I WANT” AND EVERYONE WATCHING WAS LIKE WTF R U SAYING